Hello and welcome
Some introductory text to go here. Probably.
On this day 10 years ago:
I've finally managed to track down the problem with my work computer - a faulty RAM block. Removing this solved the crashing problems, but trying to find some replacement RAM that worked was tricky. The only block that worked was another 64 meg so I've gained no more memory, jut a more stable system. Ahh well.[2005-05-24]
The Blog of Life
Last Day of my #paternity leave
Technically the final day pf my paternity leave was some time last week, but I've taken holiday days to cover until this week as Dr K's mum is visiting us for two weeks from this weekend so thought that would tie in quite nicely. I can believe that this time with my son is nearly up. Two weeks is FAR too short, criminally so if you ask me, and I have heard that the Lib Dems have a manifesto pledge to up that to six weeks. I can see why 'the average man' (or at least the average man of a bygon era) would only want to take a couple of weeks off work, if that, purely due to the sleeplessness of those early nights. But now men want to be involved in their children. Children are meant to be seen and be heard. I don't believe I am alone, even if I am a bit of a feminine brained male.
That's not to say I can't see why men would want to go back to work. I appreciate that the idea of an adult only world where the issues are (typically) not emotional based is a comfort for the masculine brained among us. Also the 9-5 nature of work is a simple framework which gives 'men' a simple format for coping. Parental life is very much more ad hoc, coming and going with the wind and the whims of this little creature which obeys no one.
Parenting favours a feminine, multi-tasking brain, one that can flit between trying to make a cup of tea and then pick up a crying baby and then wash last nights dishes and then sweep the floor and then change a nappy before getting back to the tea to discover it's gone cold and you need to make a new one. This has happened many times, more than I can remember in the past three weeks. Kettles filled and heated then left to go cold (a shameful environmental crime). Coffee half made. Cake half eaten. But I've really enjoyed this, just getting on and doing some jobs, whatever and whenever to cope. It's been a real challenge but a lot of fun too. Work won't be quite the same even if I am looking forward to seeing my colleagues and getting my future products into realisation.[2015-05-01]
So the observant among you will see that there has been a fair few days since my last post. Two weeks in fact (and the one earlier today was also about the first Sunday). Turns out that as I said parenting is Tough. That first Friday evening was glorious, with my son asleep on my legs we ate fish and chips and felt so content. I tweeted proudly that we were doing well at parenting and it wasn't as hard as we were expecting. A tweet too soon. That evening was hard work with crying and Dr K feeling pretty work out with feeding the Milk Monster.
This same story has repeated itself on and off with surprising regularity. One day feeling frankly on top of the world (not in a Sound of Music way, but rather a quiet peacefulness), then that night a nightmare of broken sleep, screaming child and explosive poo. Bit of an exaggeration, we've not experienced the explosive poo, and any poo that arrives during a change I count as a bonus - one less nappy wasted (a noisy squirt minutes into a new nappy is a tragedy).
The effect has almost reached a creepy point where within seconds of me feeling that I've finally got him to sleep, or soothed his fear he kicks off. Or he will have been asleep in the sling for 30 minutes, but just as I decide to sit and read the newspaper he wakes with a gargling cry. He also has this exceedingly annoying habit of looking utterly charming in front of other people so all we hear is how adorable he is and what a calm quiet baby we have and how lucky we should count ourselves. Advice to people: never assume that the contented baby you spot out and about is not an utter nightmare when home at night just after the shops shut and there is no possibility of escape until morning.
Today was another case in point with Mr Sir enjoying (read seeping through) his third Histon service. Three of three - 100% track record of looking sweet at church. Well done him. Yet again he was cooed over and cuddled by a few of the ladies (churches are fantastic), before a quick feed and home. This comes after yesterday which was the toughest yet. The night had been bad with multiple hour bouts of screaming which the continued all morning, afternoon and evening. I had got myself into a panic that he had cerebral palsy, the only explanation for his repeated arm movements and face grabbing. Then his breathing was sounding ropey - a chest infection? We had rung the out-of-hours number at night given that non of the midwives or health visitors are available on call, but they didn't seem too concerned. In the morning I walked him to the local GP for advice, but got little help. The Health Visitors apparently don't work weekends either. I was in a tiz, seeing every flinch as a bad sign of our impending life as full time carers. Would we? Could we? By the evening I was destroyed and I'd taken a toll on Dr K's morale. It concluded with a long and tearful peSky call to Nana in Devon who comforted and reassured. A little later, with a fresh set of eyes and new air in our lungs we sat down to finish watching Collateral, me with my son in arm, asleep hands clasped together at peace. I often need a good cry, to release the mix of emotional confusion on my inside and breath in a new hope, like the dawn of a new day.
I am truly thankful for the love that we have been shown. So many people have sent cards and gifts, their love and best wishes. We've had a beautiful shawl and cellular blanket knitted for us as well as tops and socks. We've also been so blessed to have enjoyed some most fabulous and uplifting weather these past few weeks.[2015-04-26]
Public speaking at emotional times is not my strong point
To say I'm weepy at the moment is an understatement. I was on the skype to Mum last night in a veritable flood of tears. This parenting gig is tough.
Now any of you who were at my wedding ceremony in Cheltenham will know all to well that I have a tendency for the odd tear or two when faced with the task of speaking at a celebration. Well two weeks ago, on Mr Sir's first Sunday (when Nana was also visiting) I was on the rota to do the Church readings. I had practised the reading first thing that morning, reading to him lying in my arms and tears came rolling down my face splashing onto his. By half ten Dr K was giving a feed so Nana and I went along and took up a pew ahead. I went up to the front to do the first reading and stayed for the hymn between the two readings. All fine, Dr K had not made it yet - perhaps they'd not make it in time, which was a shame as I'd hoped to have him there. During that intervening hymn I felt myself going, trembling, failing to get some of the lines out. I was taken back to my Mum's wedding and the reading I did - I was again in floods of tears the hymn before (and probably during the reading too, though I can't fully remember that). Things were not looking good for my second reading. I got up to the lecturn and turned round to see that Dr K had arrived at the back with a swaddle of my son. I was a gone. I struggled through, broken, faltering, welled up with the joy and realisation of being a dad, resonating with the love that Jesus had for his disciples (the reading was about Thomas).
After the service we were greeted by so many of our church family. At 5 days old it was pretty special to have him there and he behaved like a little star, looking frankly angelic asleep in our arms. Most of the ladies admitted that they were equally in sympathy tears as I 'read' - a comment mirrored at my wedding, crying is clearly an effect I have on women. Amusement aside I was so honoured to do that reading and have him there, safe and well after a nine month journey (with a longer 2.5 year journey before that).
Following the service and coffee Nana drove us to the Rosie for a midwife weight check. All good - weight up and heal prick blood test done (returned all clear). We then went to Waitrose for his introduction to nice super market shopping (and only his second ever shop experience after our local greengrocer).
Welcome to Waitrose shopping
The Blog of Photos - past 30 days
In the garden recently - a blooming lovely combination of flowers and weeds
It has been a striking early spring in the garden and quite a surprise. Just before April the garden was only green with the odd daffodil and hyacinth but not much else. Then suddenly the forget-me-nots exploded into life simultaneously with the tulips and wall flowers. It was utterly tremendous and a wonderful welcome for Mr Sir's arrival. I was able to enjoy the garden with Nana on two separate occasions which was extra lovely. It's just about beginning to go over now, though the clematis is in full glory and the rowan tree is throwing out a lovely scent in the evenings (at least I think it's the rowan: I can't find anything else at ground level which is scented presently.)
the pink clematis offset with blue forget-me-nots
the drape of clematis on the fence
this is my favourite wallflower this year, a deep wine purple
the clematis is climbing the rowan
two brassicas, one for flower on for leaf
our patio area with chimenea
full on clematis magic
Had a lovely meet with our new minister who will be with us in Histon from September. Some funk worship could be on the cards. I am excited about the prospect of change, though it could be big for the church. More thoughts another time, but if you are passing on a Sunday do stop by and say hello, we are the big yellow/grey brick church opposite the Barley Now and bike shop. Histon Methodist Church[2015-03-31]